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Landlady and the Tramp
Devious Butlers 2x08
Season
Episode
08
Airdate
January 8, 2017
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"Landlady and the Tramp" is the 20th episode of Devious Butlers.

Summary

It's a dog eat dog world as Ben comes to learn with Liz now staying at the Del Barrio mansion, and yet another battle for Ali's attention could be set to take place as he fears the indigent actress to be taking advantage of his recently debilitated employer. Meanwhile, it seems Selena isn't the only Fanon Drive resident raging aboard the anti-privilege bandwagon, which Joe surmises upon witnessing one of Manny's freak-outs, while zer butler continues to ward off Juan's cute attempts at smoothing things over. Also, Eli has a meeting with an acclaimed director, and Rena tries to wrap his noodle around a way to escape the clutches of his number one fan.

Plot

Teaser

Rena's eye slowly opens up but the world fails to materialize around him, with him only able to look down and notice that his wrists are bound to the arms of a chair. And then he looks forward, and a familiar face springs into view. "Hi!" yells Kristi, and Rena screams as the camera moves around his head.
We flash back to Rena staring at his phone, so excited to see Kathryn's Tweet about him go up and out to millions of followers, including a headshot of him. But then we see that, from a separate phone, Kristi is staring at the same picture and smiling.
We then see Rena excitedly uploading one of his YouTube videos - some exaggerated storytime piece - before being taken to another laptop - Kristi's - where she gets an alert for its release and watches immediately with excitement.
Finally we see Rena, sitting on the couch with Joanna the other night, joyously watching for his name in the co-star credits of The Passions of Falta. "Renato Duarte as Bartender". Kristi watches the same thing on her own TV, before checking her phone for a reply for the text she sent him while pretending to be 'Taylor'.
"I'm so glad you're up," Kristi giggles in the present, then grabbing a large pair of glasses from nearby and applying them to her young, unattractive face, allowing her to see her captive better. "I... I..." is all Rena's able to utter, but Kristi places her finger over his lips and shushes him, then commenting, "Your lips are so soft and luscious, just like I imagined they'd be. Do you exfoliate them? And you look so good even when you've just woken up, I'm so pleased!" Rena then looks down at himself and sees that he's no longer wearing the clothes he was knocked out in, but has now been changed into a set of button-up tartan pajamas; slippers have even been pressed onto his feet. He'd appear to be a very comfortable houseguest were it not for the restraints holding his hands and, now we see, his ankles in position. "Wh..." Rena starts, and Kristi exclaims, "I gave you some new digs," before giggling high-pitched. Rena flinches, for it hurts his ears, and as his sight continues to return he attempts to take a look around. He can't seem to find any windows in the room he's now in, which is decked out like that of a typical teenage girl, or maybe even a five-year-old one. So much pink and fluff and posters - including a print-out of his headshot pasted onto the wall with lovehearts drawn all over it. He notices the walls, which have clearly been soundproofed, but, as she notices his eyes darting around, Kristi springs forward again and asks, "Watcha lookin' at?" Seeing her in front of him, Rena is only able to utter, "Who are you?" Kristi giggles again at this, telling him, "I told you, I'm Kristi. I'm your number one fan. Though I guess you were a little sleepy through that part. Tehe." "My number-- what?" Rena murmurs, still unable to comprehend any of this, and Kristi takes it upon herself to perch her tiny frame upon the Portuguese butler's lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. He appears deeply uncomfortable and tries to move, but the restraints are so tight that his arms can't budge from position. "Quit fidgeting," Kristi laughs, "It'll only make it tighter. I'm very good with knots. I was a girl scout, you know? But we'll get to that story later; we're still in the 'getting to know you' part of our relationship, and I was about to tell another story. Of how I became your number one fan." "Please--" he tries, only to be cut off when Kristi buries her head in his neck and takes a good hard sniff, then saying, "It all began with Kathryn's Tweet. That must have been... six? Seven months ago now? Wow, time sure flies when you're in love, huh?" "In lo--?" "Shush!" Kristi screeches, seeming almost angry, but then returning to her childish giggles as she adds, "You're a YouTuber, baby. You know the importance of storytime. But anyway, I remember thinking how I'd never seen a man more beautiful than you, and so I did some digging. I'm... pretty good at that kind of stuff, being shut down here all the time. I kept liking what I saw. And then you started that channel. Renaboss and then Rena Charming and bow howdy are you into some kinky stuff if that livestream was anything to go by (see "Beauty and the Tryst") but don't worry, it made me like you more if anything." "You... saw that?" Rena manages to utter, and Kristi exclaims, "Of course I did! I see everything you do! It took all the strength I had not to edit your Wikipedia and IMDb pages once they were up; I didn't want you to see and think anything was up. But then I saw your phone number was there and you just looked so cute in The Passions of Falta that I couldn't resist texting!! I was scared you wouldn't like me so..." "Taylor," Rena recalls, gradually regaining awareness. "Yuh-huh," she smiles, finally getting up off of him and then looking down at her prisoner with such deranged love in her eyes. All he can bring himself to say as he looks her up and down, though, is , "You're... crazy..." Slap. Kristi's hand goes slamming into Rena's cheek, to the point that his head is forced to one side. She has a surprising amount of strength. "I'm so sorry!" Kristi begins to cry, moving in to give Rena an awkward hug and kiss his cheek repeatedly in order to soothe it, "It's just, you were rude, and, I couldn't help myself, and, bad Kristi! Bad Kristi! Bad Kristi!" As she chants she begins slapping herself across the face over and over and over, and Rena eventually begs, "Stop!" "I'm... sorry," she breathes, half-exhausted, before exclaiming, "Wow, I'm pooped. All the dragging you here really took it out of me. Shows how devoted I am though, right? Anyway, I think I'm gonna take a nap and... I don't want you looking around my room without me giving you the proper tour so... you're gonna take one too." "What?" Rena utters, while Kristi leaves him to go digging through some of her possessions, and then he exclaims, "Not that taser thing again!" "No, silly," she giggles, "Just these." And then she takes out a pack of sleeping pills. "I... I just woke up, I..." "Shhhhh," Kristi again spouts, springing forward to put her finger back over Rena's lips. "You'll get to be awake soon." She strokes his ear, moving her hand gently to the back of his head, and then she grabs him by the hair and yanks back, forcing him to look up with his mouth open so that she can drop a couple pills inside. He swallows without even meaning to, and immediately starts to go drowsy again. "You'll have plenty of time to be awake with me, Renato Duarte. Because you're gonna be here forever and ever and ever and ever..." The "ever"s echo horrifically through Rena's head before, soon enough, his eyes are unable to remain open. "And ever and ever and ever and ever..."

DEVIOUS BUTLERS

Act I

Enter the Del Barrio mansion and into the den where Elizabeth Davis has herself and her things sat across the sofa, some towels put down as she paints her toenails. She looks down at her now hot pink toes, grinning that she's back to living a somewhat lavish life. Meanwhile, however, Ben and Val stand in the doorway and watch. They turn to each other feeling a mutual disgust for their new houseguest, but their disgust only grows when they remember they only have each other to share this disgust with. They both roll their eyes, but Ben motions that they go check up on Liz. He begins walking, and Val begrudgingly follows. "Mrs. Davis, may I--" Ben starts, but Liz raises her hand. "Stop!" she demands, leaving Ben confused, but Liz then points at Val. "Before we continue, I'd like for that little tramp to leave my presence... and preferably this house, town, country, and planet. Suicide is always an option, dear." She then smirks, and both the servants are left stunned. However, when Val goes to say something that could be equally as damaging, Ben stands in the maid's way and ushers that she go wash the upstairs windows or something. Val leaves to do so, mumbling something under her breath, and Liz resumes painting her toenails, having forgot Ben requested her attention. "Mrs. Davis," Ben tries again, and she looks up. "Oh, you're still here. Right, um, wow this is embarrassing... I'm not used to my servants trying to initiate conversation with me." Ben takes some offense to this, wanting to point out that he's not her servant and that she's just an unwanted guest; however, he refrains, forcing a smile across his face as he replies: "No, I was wondering if I could get you anything. Yunno, to make your stay here any better." "Ah, right," Liz realizes, as she puts the nail polish down, "Well I'd like to take a bath later on tonight, but you probably understand I can't just fill the tub up with water from the tap." "What...?" "Tap water. It's disgusting. Especially in Wikerly Hills. No, I need bottled water." "You're asking me to fill your tub up with bottled water...?" "Jeez, is that not what I just said? I get you're a butler and all but surely you must have some common sense, no?" Finally Ben starts to lose his cool, and he approaches Liz further. "Listen lady, I'll have you know--" But before he can continue, the front door to the mansion opens, and Ali calls out asking if anyone's around. Ben stops in his tracks and turns to see Ali entering the room, finally hope from the hospital. "Ali," he greets, surprised, rushing over to give her a hug, "I thought you weren't being discharged until Saturday. I'd have given you a ride if I--" Ali cuts him off though, assuring that it's fine. "I've been there far too long... I just wanted to get home." She sort of backs away from Ben though, a bit uncomfortable by his closeness at the moment. "By the way, White Rena," Liz exclaims, getting up and walking towards Ben and Ali, "I bribed the mailman to start dropping off Rochelle Little's mail here, yunno, just so I had a chance to snoop through it to see if she had any embarrassing subscriptions and what not. Anyways, I need you to drop this off at her place. Just say it got mixed in with our stuff." Ben takes the mail from Liz, proceeding to turn to Ali, annoyed. "You see what you're having me put up with?" he says to his friend, who really has no good explanation for any of this. He turns back to Liz, asking if she can't just take the mail over herself, but she argues that it's his job. "I'm pretty sure returning stolen mail isn't in my job description." "You're the one who asked if there was anything you could do to make my stay easier." Ben just stares at the houseguest though, and decides to divert his attention back to Ali before he really loses his cool. "So you're back," he exclaims, excited, "and the baby's doing just fine. That's great!" But of course this only makes things worse, as Ali and Liz then glance at one another. "He doesn't know?" Liz questions her friend, to which Ali shakes her head. "Know what?" the butler asks, in confusion. And so Ali realizes that it's now she must come forward: "Ben," she exclaims, "I had an abortion." The Scot is taken aback by this, and he looks over at Liz, surprised she knew before he did, and then back Ali. "Oh..." he utters, and Ali nods. Liz looks at the employer and employee and is put off by the awkward tension that has been created in the room. "You know what?" she exclaims, snatching the mail back from Ben, "I'll run this over to Rochelle myself, just to show you what a fabulous houseguest I am." Forgetting that she just painting her toenails, in a hurry to just get out of the room, Liz quickly slips on her heels and begins walking as fast as she can in said heels to the door, all the while scraping the tile with the ends. Ben and Ali, meanwhile, stand in awkward silence.

"Dammit, boy!" Rochelle screams as she sits in her chair, having Joe feed her spaghetti - some of which he just spilled in her lap by accident, "That stuff is hot!" "Oops," Joe says, not really caring, "But it's not like you can feel it - right?" Rochelle gives him a very snide look in response to this, while he asks, "Isn't it kind of early for spaghetti anyway?" "Naht in my house," Rochelle makes clear, sighing at the reluctant way in which Joe is dabbing her pants. "For God's sake, dummy, just get in there before it sets!" she exclaims, grabbing the cloth from him and beginning to do it herself, "You know, back in my day, us housekeepers were a lot more competent, and respectful, too." "Right, you were a maid," Joe recalls. "And a damn good one too," Rochelle makes clear, "Not that that stopped the Applewhites from complainin' all day 'n' night, the bougie-ass hoes." "The Applewhites?" Joe questions, the name apparently ringing some sort of a bell, but his train of thought is interrupted when Rochelle comments, "Speakin' o' bougie-ass hoes..." Joe looks to where she's looking - out the window, at the front lawn, where one can see Elizabeth Davis sashaying over to the Littles' mailbox with some of their stolen mail in tow. "What are you doing here?" asks Manny, who's out front. "Just came to deliver some lost mail like the good neighbor I am," Liz assures, handing it over, "So you can go give that to your boss now." "My boss?" Manny questions. "Yeah, Rochelle Little?" Liz says as though it's obvious, "Although, ironic name if you ask me, given the size of that ass." "Do you think I'm the butler?" the youngest Little goes on, offended, and Liz says, "Aren't you out here to get the mail?" "Only 'cause our houseboy is dabbin' Mama's crotch right now!" "Huh," Liz utters, "Kinky. Hey, any way I could use that information to destroy her?" "Admit it!" Manny yells, "You thought I was the butler 'cause I'm black!" "Um... okay?" Liz responds, confused, "Do you want this mail or not? 'Cause I've read it all, and it's kinda boring." "Screw the mail!" Manny yells, ripping it from her hands and then throwing it all over the lawn, "I can't stand you entitled white folk walking around acting as though we can't be just as successful as you are!" "Honey, I just divorced a black sugar daddy, I know they can be rich," she tries defending, but Manny isn't listening by this point, merely exclaiming, "Black lives matter, you know?!" From inside, Joe and Rochelle watch this whole display with confusion, and when the latter realizes what's happening she murmurs, "Oh, dear Lord." She then hits some dials or whatever on her wheelchair is whizzes out of the room, towards the front door, and down the ramp. Joe, intrigued, decides to follow, coming out just as Rochelle reaches Manny, who's currently screaming, "Black lives matter!" over and over again in Liz's face. "Emmanuel!" Rochelle screeches at her son, and he stops dead suddenly. The "crippled" old woman then turns to Liz and says, "Sorry, dear. Why don't you just run on home. If you've got one, that is." Liz is offended by this reference to her divorce and begins storming away, yelling about as if she needed another reason to despise urbans, and Joe slowly approaches as Rochelle gives Manny a hard slap to the arm. "What the hell you thinkin' flarin' up that kinda attitude again, boy?" she yells, and Manny sullenly replies, "I'm sorry, Mama. I got triggered." "What are you? That crazy blue-haired shemale from down the street? You need to curb that stuff, Manny. Especially after what happened the last time." Manny nods lowly, feeling ashamed of himself, while Rochelle turns her chair to see Joe, still intrigued, watching them. "Of course you're here," she sighs, then heading back indoors and making sure to run her wheel over her butler's foot as she goes. Manny laughs at the white boy's pain.

The doorbell to the Washington house is rung, and soon enough Josh makes his way over to open it. Standing before him is Brad, looking rather awkward, who starts off with a "Hey..." "Hey..." Josh utters backs. "Can we talk?" Brad suggests, "Yunno, about yesterday?" "And how you left me stranded?" "Yeah..." There's a moment of silence between the two before Josh finally speaks: "I'd invite you in, but Selena has this new policy of only one man being allowed in her home at a time, so..." "So we should speak outside." "I suppose." Josh steps outside the house, pulling the door shut behind him. He stands, facing Brad, deciding to give him his chance to speak. "Look, I'm sorry about the other day. I just... I saw you and Juan and it looked like you two were getting close, and... It was stupid, okay? I was stupid." "There's nothing going on with me and Juan," Josh promises. "I know." "Just like there was nothing going on with you and Greg." "I know..." "He's my ex and we were catching up. You know things were left on horrible terms, so I was giving him the chance to rectify that." "And did he?" "Well," Josh exclaims, thinking back to how much he should tell Brad about their meeting, "he's very sorry." He decides to opt out of revealing the goodbye kiss that they shared. "And that's it? You two are done with?" Brad asks, and Josh takes a moment to think about his answer before uttering, "Yes... Now can we put this whole thing behind us? Pretend nothing happened?" "That's all I wanted," Brad smiles, and the two embrace in a kiss. However, they're soon interrupted when a voice calls out: "Delivery for Mr. Joshua Gibbons." Josh and Brad turn and see a delivery man approaching the Washington house. "I didn't order anything?" Josh replies, to which the delivery man states that it looks like he has a secret admirer then. He turns to his truck where two other men are opening up the back, and Josh and Brad look in shock at the dozens of flowers. "Are those all for me?" Josh asks, to which the delivery man nods. "Every last one." Josh turns to Brad, "Did you?" But the lawyer shakes his head, unamused. "Where do you want these?" the delivery man asks, and so Josh just sorta shrugs, telling them to sit them down inside somewhere. In that moment he's too wrapped up in what's going on to remember Selena's new request, and so when the delivery men enter into the house they're met with a loud shriek, followed by, "Holy Mother of Goddess, what the Jessica Christ?!" A spray is then heard, and the delivery men all flee from the house, clenching their eyes. "Yeah, there's more where that came from, you white cis scum!" Selena exclaims, sticking her head out the door and holding a can of pepperspray. She proceeds to head back inside, mumbling about how she's going to see to it that Tumblr rips those men apart. Josh and Brad decide to pay no attention to this though, already used to Selena's antics; instead, Josh takes one of the flower deliveries and sees a note tagged to it. "Thanks for an amazing date. The kiss was great, and I hope we can do this again sometime soon. -Juan, x" Josh gulps as he turns to Brad to see if he was reading the note too. He was. "Okay, look, Brad--" Josh tries, but Brad shakes his head. "I don't wanna hear it." He proceeds to walk away, leaving Josh alone with his dozens of flower deliveries and a possible lawsuit on his hands for sending those men in to face Selena.

"And that concludes my Top 10 Favorite Breeds of Dog. Why don't you tell me yours down in the comments? Or, better yet, bark it," says Rena as he sits on the couch in Kristi's room, a camera in front of him and a large green screen covering the wall behind. His ankle is shackled to the leg of the sofa, for apparently he is trusted with his hands after this time, but the camera - which Kristi promptly shuts off - of course doesn't show that. "And that's a wrap!" Kristi excitedly exclaims, "I'm so glad you used my joke there at the end!" "Didn't exactly have a choice," Rena mutters under his breath, and Kristi, still manic, asks, "What was that, honey?" "Nothing." "Nothing what?" she asks, to which he reluctantly says, "Nothing... honey." Kristi shrieks with glee at this, running towards her prisoner and throwing herself onto him. "Oh, I love you, my love," she whispers into his ear. "I got that," Rena sighs, to which she replies as she nestles her nose into his collarbone, "Don't you just hate that we're two separate people? Gah, I wish I could just burrow into you like a love-tick!" "So you've said," Rena nods, and Kristi soon exclaims, "I can't wait to upload this new vid of yours. What do you think your friends will think?" As she says this, she moves to go be with her laptop, doing some quick editing with the camera nearby. "Oh I bet they'll think... hey, there's Rena... I wonder where he is... I should go find him... I hope." "You're so funny," Kristi giggles, "it's so nice that we can keep your career going from down here. You can still be an internet sensation and... I'm like your manager." "My manager who never lets me outside," Rena nods. "I just don't want you getting away," she says sadly, "It isn't my fault I love you more than unicorns. More than God. More than milk!" With that, she takes a large sip from a glass of milk from his desk, giving herself a white mustache which she promptly licks off. Rena appears disgusted, while Kristi smiles and says, "I like your lips too, baby. I always tell you. Remember all the work I had to put into getting you to loosen them? So you'd tell me all your passwords. Though I gotta say, using your birthday for Facebook is unsafe. I like 'starshine', though. How did you think of it?" Before he can answer, he is taken aback by a sudden knocking at the door, and Kristi looks just as panicked as he does as someone starts twisting the knob. "Just a minute!" she yells, "I'm not decent!" She then quickly removes one of her socks as she dashes over to Rena, stuffing it into his mouth so that he can't make any noise. "Don't pretend you don't love it," she winks before lifting him up by the pajama top and dragging him to the other side of the couch; his shackle is still attached to the leg so, when she throws him to the floor, one can hear his ankle twist, though he fails to cry out in pain. Kristi then grabs the green-screen from the wall and pulls it down so that it covers the entire couch like a throw, Rena and all. She then finally goes to answer the door, and Kevin Kappelletti is on the other side. "Hey there, sis," he says happily, "Just wanted to check in, see how you were. I feel like I've barely seen you these past few days." "I've been fine, Kev," she smiles, giving him a big hug, "But I'm also a bit busy, so, how 'bout I come up to see you later?" "Busy with what?" Kevin laughs, at the same time that Rena, behind the couch, tries crawling from out of the fallen green screen. "Just stuff, you know. My fan fiction got some new reviews, so, I gotta reply. Same old." "Ah," Kevin nods, "And why are you only wearing one sock?" he then notices. Kristi looks down at this while Rena tries and fails to spit it out, still out of sight. She then looks back to her brother and says, "I told you I wasn't decent. Anyway, catch ya' later, bro," and, just as Rena's head pokes out from the green - giving him an oh-so-brief glimpse of the celebrity that almost just witnessed his kidnapping - Kristi slams the door shut on him. Finally he's able to spit the sock out. "Was that... Kevin Kappelletti?" Rena manages to murmur, and Kristi turns to him and says, "Yeah," as she walks over and begins pulling back the green screen, helping Rena back to his still-shackled feet. He sinks back down in pain thanks to the twisted ankle, and Kristi says, "Sorry about that. Bad Kristi. I'd twist my own ankle but... I have a vid to upload." She then perches him back down on the couch as she returns to her laptop. "I'm confused," Rena goes on, "Kevin Kappelletti... is your brother?" "Yeah," Kristi repeats. "You're... a Kappelletti?" "Yeah," Kristi says more pointedly, getting annoyed now. "I don't understand," Rena goes on, and so Kristi looks at him and snaps, "I'm a Kappelletti! They said I didn't have the face for TV so I live down here! In their basement! Like a freak! Are ya' happy?!" "So all this time... I've been in the basement of the Kappelletti mansion... where Liz works..." and suddenly a faint glimmer of hope shines across his face as he realizes that, right now, his friend could be cleaning upstairs. "They let me sound proof it 'cause I like to keep myself to myself," Kristi says calmly, "So I just sit down here, out of all the family reality shows, not hurting anyone." Rena almost scoffs at this, and Kristi turns to him with a flash of anger, making him gulp. "So the reason you were so on it with Kathryn's Tweet... is 'cause it was your sister-in-law's," Rena continues to reckon, and Kristi just nods while continuing to click maniacally on her mouse-pad. "Are you okay there?" he asks, to which she shrieks, "Yes I'm fine!" and then immediately, "Ugh, I'm sorry. It's working now, the video is officially uploading. Now, is there anything you need before I put you back to sleep?" "Besides my freedom?" "What?" "The bathroom," he states, "I need the bathroom." Kristi sighs at this - "Again?!" - and so she grabs her glass of milk and downs the rest of it in a flash, then moving over to the couch and getting down on her knees with the glass in tow as, with her spare hand, she lowers Rena's pajama bottoms. Rena knows what he has to do, because unfortunately for him it's not the first time he's done it, and he proceeds to strain as he fills the cup with his urine. Kristi giggles as this happens, as she does every time. "Look," she exclaims, amused, "It's crying!" And then, "Should I kiss it better?" as the peeing stops. She then gets to her feet, just standing there with a glass of pee, and asks Rena if there's anything else he needs before sleep. "A shower?" he requests almost jokingly, to which Kristi shrugs and states, "Urine's sterile." And then... she throws his own waste all over him, and Rena gasps in shock as it drips down him. "See? I can be kinky like that Liz," she yells victoriously, while Rena is just utterly disgusted and humiliated. "Oki," Kristi then says, putting the glass to one side and grabbing the pills, "Time for sleep." Rena is so done with life at this moment that, when she puts the pill in his mouth, he almost actually swallows it. But he comes to his senses soon enough, managing to hide it under his tongue and then spit it out while she isn't looking. And then, after faking drowsiness and pretending to fall asleep, he slides the pill into the breast pocket of his pajama top, just like he has with the last few. He forces himself not to react, to remain "asleep", as the laptop then makes a noise to signify that the video has finished uploading.

The noise of three phones pinging at once as Joe, Josh and Ben all receive email notifications that Rena has just uploaded a new YouTube video. "Ugh," they all say at once as we also see that everyone in the cafe around them has some flowers from Josh handing out his abundance, with Joe adding, "I forget every time that that channel even exists." "Have you guys seen any of his videos?" Ben wonders, to which Josh says, "I didn't watch them even when we were on speaking terms, let alone now." "Weird he hasn't been hitting us up lately, actually," Joe points out, and Ben says that it's probably thanks to his vacation. "Vacation?" Josh asks, perturbed, and Ben tells him, "Yeah. On his Twitter. Look." And then he shows them a photo on his phone - one which has apparently been photoshopped and then posted by Kristi. It depicts Rena waterskiing and, as he squints to read the caption, Joe asks how the hell he earned enough money to afford Cancún. "I guess Joanna really does pay a lot," Ben notes, but Josh assures that he never earned that much, with Joe figuring that she must be more lonely and therefore more grateful. "Some way to alleviate loneliness, sending your butler abroad," Ben says, but Josh decides, "Whatever. I hope that bitch is stewing by herself." "Let's just change the subject," Ben decides, not wanting to deal with more of this drama that he doesn't understand, and Joe says, "Indeed. Are any of you familiar with the name Applewhite?" "As in Betty?" Josh asks, to which Joe adds, "As in real life. Like, a Wikerly Hills family." "The name rings a bell," Ben admits, "If they were socialites, then I probably saw the name back when I used to polish portraits for Jorgio. He would line the walls with pictures of him with the town's richest families. All boxed up now though. Maybe that's where you know the name?" "Maybe..." Joe utters, "I never really polished portraits, though. Or did anything back when I was his butler. Was too busy solving a murder and stuff. No, I feel it's something else. Rochelle mentioned she used to work for them and... I don't know." "I could try and dig out the pictures if you like?" Ben offers, and Joe tells him that that would be great. Ben then smiles, feeling a little included again, and then they go on to ask how Josh is dealing with the whole Juan situation. Just as he's about to answer, however, their phones ping again, thanks to a backup email alert regarding Rena's video. "Ugh," they all once again exclaim in unison. "I don't know why I'm even still on this thing," Josh frets, pursuing the link only so that he can unsubscribe, "He's not even tried talking to us, apologizing, anything. If he's phasing us out, we may as well cut to the chase and do the same." "To be honest... yeah," Ben, who has no beef with Rena, admits, thinking maybe he should take himself off the alert list too. "Guess there's no point now," Joe shrugs, doing the same, "He's not our problem anymore." And off he goes; the three butlers continue to sit there, unaware of their fellow's danger.

Act II

Elijah Davis is seen looking out the window of his home, waiting, when finally he sees a white limousine making its way down Fanon Drive. He smiles, proceeding to make his way out of the home to greet his guest. The limo comes to a stop at the end out the driveway, and the chauffeur steps out to open one of the back doors. Not-so-immediately are we shown the face of Eli's guest. Instead, the camera focuses on a pair of leopard-print heels as they swing around the seat to plant themselves on the ground. The camera then starts to pan upward as we're shown a sparkling purple dress, and then a hand outstretches, revealing multiple different jewels gracing the person's fingers. The chauffeur takes her hand, helping her up from her seat, and finally the camera lands on the face of a beautiful Latina woman. She uses her free hand to remove a pair of sunglasses which she hands to the chauffeur. "Thank you, Jackson," she exclaims, then finally focusing her attention on Eli, who has his arms open for a hug. "Maria Solano," he exclaims, to which she replies, "Elijah Davis." The two embrace in a hug.
The two are next seen sat at the dining table of the Davis house, being catered to by none other than Juanita Kwon. "You need more breadstick?!" Juanita asks, forcefully holding the tray of breadsticks in front of the famed director's face. "Uh, no thanks," she replies. "Good. I go poop now, yes, Mr. Elijah?" Eli awkwardly nods, allowing the caterer to leave for her break. "Yeah, Mary, sorry about that. My butler left recently, and I'm pretty sure my maid forgot she even works here because I haven't seen her in weeks, to be honest." "So you had to resort to that neanderthal?" Mary smirks, to which Eli nods, embarrassed. He decides to change the topic though, asking how his friend is doing. "I'm well, actually. But I'm surprised that you called given that... well, sweetheart, how are you doing?" "Ah, so you've heard about the divorce." "Did you really expect me not to? Though I must say - 'Eliz' - what an awful ship name. Your marriage was doomed from the start, honey." Eli takes a sip of his drink, wishing for the topic to be changed, yet again. "I just want to move on from that part of my life," he admits, "which is actually why I called you here." Mary about chokes on her own drink though. "Sorry, Eli, you're a doll, but you know I see you more as a brother than anything, right?" "I... that's not what it was about." "Oh, good," Mary sighs with relief, "I know I'm gorgeous and all, and you're not so bad yourself, but yeah I'm totally out of your league still." Eli decides to ignore this comment, knowing that Mary does mean well, and so he elaborates: "I was looking for work. Sleepless in Sicily 2 just wrapped up, so I was wondering if you had anything for me at your studios that I might be up for. Anything you're writing, producing or directing is fine." "Ah, what a name I've made for myself," Mary reminisces, but then goes back on topic, "Oh Eli, I'd love for you to come star in one of my new films." "Really?" he exclaims, optimistically. "But I totally cannot under any circumstances at all allow that to happen." "Um..." "Sweetie, are you aware of your reputation right now?" "What?" "Your reputation," she laughs, "Oh, you're beyond hated right now. Hell, Sicily 2 is probably gonna tank because of you." "Excuse me?!" "Eli, I know what you're going through at the moment must be rough, but you need to look at it from the perspective of the people. You - a well known douchey black man actor - threw out your lovable, white, aspiring actress of a wife." "Liz was anything but lovable," Eli intervenes. "Regardless, that's not how the world sees it. Haven't you seen the footage Kathryn Kappelletti leaked? Your wife had to become a maid because she had nothing else, and she had an emotional meltdown on the job." "But--" "You're absolutely despised," Mary laughs, "Check your Twitter mentions, and I'm sure you'll see." "But I mute all that..." "You're still supposed to check it, hun. Yunno, check to see what the majority is chattin' about." Eli quickly whips out his phone and loads the Twitter app, proceeding to scroll through his most recent mentions, all of which contain nothing but hate for the actor. "I can't believe this." "Oh believe it, doll. Because it's true." Mary proceeds to stand up from her seat, grabbing her purse. "Where are you going?" Eli questions, to which Mary reveals, "I have another lunch to get to. Sorry." "But what about us?" "Oh, I just came for the clarification. Besides, I really shouldn't be seen associating with you... No offense." She starts to leave, but Eli calls out for her to stop. She turns back to him, and the actor asks if Mary sees him the way his fans do right now. "Nah," she replies, "I'm sure your actions are somewhat defendable." "So can't you, I don't know, tweet something to your followers?" "And risk my own career being destroyed? Oh, you're cute, Eli." She then blows a kiss in his direction, telling him that she'll be seeing him now. With that, she leaves, and Eli is left alone, enraged with what has happened. Juanita Kwon soon returns though, ready to continue serving. "You need more breadstick?!" she asks, and Eli simply glares at her.

"Butler... whateveryournameistheonethatwasscrewingJustinebeforesheflungherselffromabalcony, I need you!" Liz shouts, all the while ringing a massive bell that she had provided for herself to get Ben's attention whenever she needs something. Currently, Mrs. Davis is sat in her bottled water-filled bath, which has now been mixed in with loads of soap, thus covering the parts of her body she might not (or might, who knows?) want to expose to others. Ben slumps back on into the bathroom, asking the Del Barrio houseguest what she needs now, for he needs to go get something out of storage. "For whatever reason I'm craving a taco right about now. Maybe it's because I miss Rena and how he entertained me without having to go through all the effort, but yeah, fetch me one, would you? Also a trash bin for when I throw it up when I'm done." Before Ben is given a chance to speak though, Val prances on into the bathroom and joins them. "What, is there a party going on in here?" she asks, with a smirk. Liz rolls her eyes though, demanding that the Latina maid get out. "It was you who I was looking for, actually," Val reveals, "Your husband... 'husband', just called. Totally forgot I was still, like, a maid at his place. Kinda can't be arsed to tell him that I quit, so would you mind letting him know for me?" Liz simply gives Val the middle finger though, but the maid shakes her head, mock-acting disappointed in Liz's immaturity. Ben, meanwhile, who can barely deal with one of them - but now two - has had enough, and simply leaves the room so that Liz and Val can hash things out as they please. He makes his way down the hall and down one of the many staircases, finally coming out into the kitchen where he sees Ali sat down and having a cup of tea. "Care if I join you?" he asks, but she merely shrugs. Ben looks down, disappointed that Ali still seems upset. He takes a seat next to her, and gently takes her hand. "What's wrong, Ali?" he asks, proceeding, "I'm not mad at you for having the abortion, if that's what you think. I'm a little surprised, but I'm not mad. I understand how much of a toll this whole thing way taking on you." But Ali takes her hand back. "Of course I know," she says, "You have no right to be mad, anyway." "Ali--" "I'm the one who's mad at you," she reveals, glaring at him. Ben is confused (and hurt), so Ali decides to explain. "Ever since I found out I was pregnant, ever since you found out I was pregnant, it was all 'I'll be there for you, Ali', 'You'll be okay, Ali,', and even 'This child won't end up like Jorgio, Ali'. Never, not even once, did you present the alternatives. Adoption, abortion... Never. Straight away it was deadset in your head that I was gonna keep and raise this baby, and how was I to object? You're the only person I told because you're meant to be my best friend! And being my best friend, it's your job to tell me stuff like this. To tell me that's okay." "Ali... I'm sorry if you're mad at me for that. I mean, maybe I was a bit ignorant to think you would actually want this baby, it's just... I don't know, you're so caring and all... but how can you expect me to discuss abortion when you know I lost a child?" Ali turns to the butler, for the first time since he's come down stairs to join her. She really hadn't thought of that. "How could you possibly expect me to suggest the taking of a baby's life when you know what I went through, losing mine the day she was born." He's close to tears now, and Ali's starting to regret the way she's treated her friend. "I'm not upset you had an abortion. That's your choice and I will always respect that, but please don't blame me just because you hadn't thought of it sooner." Ali is now in tears too, full of regret - not for having an abortion, but for taking her anger out on Ben when all he did was try to be there for her this whole time. "I'm sorry," she says to him, "I... I wasn't thinking." She takes his hand, continuing, "I've just gone through so much... we've gone through so much. It--" "I know," he says, taking her other hand, "It's fine, it's--" And Ali pulls him in for a hug, which he accepts. The two just sit there, hugging and crying it out, and soon enough Val and Liz (now dressed in a bathrobe with her hair up in a towel) emerge from the staircase. "Aw look Lizzie, ain't that just sweet?" Val exclaims, pointing at Ben and Ali, "Maybe we should hug and make up too, yunno?" Liz just glares at the maid though, uttering, "Bite me." She proceeds to walk away, and Val smirks.

Joe is busy wiping down the small table in the Littles' kitchen, uttering to himself, "Applewhites... Applewhite..." to see if it sparks any sort of stray recognition (it doesn't), when Manny enters to grab some Kool Aid from the fridge. Seeing Manny, however, fills Joe's head with other thoughts, and suddenly we hear Joanna's voice cry out, "Oop, time to go deal with your other mystery. Have fun, sweetie." Joe just rolls his eyes, rubbing his temple quickly to make the voice go away, before dropping his rag to say, "Hey, Manny." Manny is interrupted before he even has the chance to grab his KA, and he just awkwardly looks at Joe, lit up by the fridge light, and replies, "Hey?" "So," Joe goes on, "You'll never guess who I saw on Fanon Drive earlier today." "You're right, I never will," Manny nods, slamming the fridge door shut because now he just wants to escape talking to his annoying butler whose postponed firing he still doesn't understand. "Well, I'm pretty sure it was Maria Solano," Joe goes on, "Don't you just love her?" "Sure..." Manny utters, and Joe goes on to say, "She was nominated for an Oscar last year, right? Didn't win though. I wo--" "Of course she didn't win, she isn't white," Manny immediately snaps, and Joe murmurs under his breath, "Wow, that was easier than I thought," and then aloud, "Go on?" "Those things are rigged, man, by old rich white men who only wanna see the young, rich white folk succeed!" "Huh..." Joe utters, "So... have you done anything to combat that, like... share petitions or... protests or... annoying hashtags..." "I used to, as it goes," Manny barks, then going quiet as he simpers, "But... Mama don't lemme no more." "Oh? What happened?" Joe tries, but Manny just turns angry at this, yelling, "Like you could possibly understand! Not only are you white, but you used to be a cop! That makes you the enemy!" "Okay this is escalating," Joe mutters again, right as Manny starts to scream, "Pigs in a blanket! Fry 'em like bacon! Pigs in a blanket! Fry 'em like bacon! Pigs in a blanket!..." "Manny, I--" "FRY 'EM LIKE BACON! PIGS..." "What's this 'bout pigs 'n' blankets now?!" Rochelle exclaims as she excitedly enters the kitchen, fast as a shot on her wheelchair, probably having lifted it over her head and ran in order to get there so quickly. However, all she arrives to see is Manny yelling at Joe, though her presence makes him go quiet. Rochelle then looks at Manny angrily, while he looks ashamed again, and she tells him, "Don't go advertising pigs in blankets if there aren't any. That's. Just. Bad. Manners." "Bad manners," Manny whispers, "Bad Manny..." "Um..." Joe utters, making the two blacks turn to him, "I could make some pigs in blankets, if you like?" "Choke on them," Manny scoffs, finally making his way past his mother to leave the room. Rochelle and Joe are just left staring at one another for a while after that and, fortunately for both of them, the doorbell rings in order to break the tension. "I'll get it," Joe exclaims, hightailing it out of the room, while Rochelle utters, "Duh. It is your job, dumbass." Joe then answers the door to Ben, who's carrying with him a cardboard box. "Thank God you needed this," he says to his friend, "I was craving an excuse to leave, and then I remembered, the pictures." "You got them out of storage?" Joe realizes excitedly, taking the box, and Ben adds, "After I held Liz back from strangling Val, yeah." Joe then plops the box down on the tchotchke table adjacent to the door, beginning to rifle through it. Finally, he discovers a picture with a plaque reading, "The Applewhites", and his eyes widen in shock. "So... does the name mean anything to do after all?" Ben wonders, to Joe murmurs, "I'll say..." It is then that we see what the photograph contains - Jorgio Del Barrio, many years ago, shaking hands with the Applewhite patriarch; the matriarch stands nearby... and so does their daughter. It doesn't take Joe too long to recognize her as an aged-down version of Silvia, or, "Lindsay Green..." as he knows her. "Oh," Ben adds, "And there's something else in here I thought was kinda interesting." With that, he pulls out another photo and hands it to Joe. This plaque reds, "The DeWars", and Joe finds himself staring at almost the exact same staged photograph - Jorgio, with a different patriarch and matriarch, and his mother Lily standing to the side. "Oh, my God," Joe utters, "I know where I know the name from." "BOY YOU GON' MAKE ME THESE PIGS IN BLANKETS OR WHAT NOW?" Rochelle screams from the kitchen.

Juan is seen about in his apartment when all of a sudden there's a loud knocking at his front door. Confused, he approaches it, first looking through the peephole before finally opening up. It's Josh, and Juan smiles to greet his former beau. "You like the flowers?" he asks, but Josh doesn't seem too thrilled. "Are you kidding me?!" he asks in turn, pushing Juan back so that he can enter the apartment and close the door behind him. "That move caused me another argument with Brad. We were finally hashing things out after the incident from the other day, but now you do this?!" "Did you get the card?" Juan asks, still smiling. "Yes, and Brad read the card." "It's not my fault he can't mind his own business. Seems a little invasive, if you ask me." "Juan!" Josh tries, but Juan asks, once again, if Josh liked the flowers, completely ignoring the real topic at hand. "I didn't know what kind you liked so I bought them all," he reveals, "Mr. French, down at the flower shop, got me a pretty good deal on them too." Josh sighs, admitting the flowers were nice, but that's not the point. "What's the point then?" "That you're clearly overstepping boundaries! Juan, surely you understand that." He laughs though. "Of course I do. I'm not stupid." "Juan." "I'm trying to win you back, Josh. The flowers were just meant as a kind gesture, now Brad seeing the note I left was just a stroke of luck, to be honest." Josh starts to pace around back and forth though, infuriated. "What is wrong with you?!" he asks, furthering, "I had a nice life going for myself. Sure it wasn't perfect, but I had a good, stable relationship with a guy I really cared about... loved, even. You and I had something once, but you need to understand that that's over." Juan smiles though, shaking his head. "No, you see, as an outside point of view I can say that you and Brad are not perfect. There's definitely cracks there that you just haven't noticed yet, but I know that what you and I had was so much better." "Remember when you left me to rot in prison?" "And I apologized for that." "Brad was my lawyer and fought to get me out and exonerated." "Ah, so you're screwing him because you feel as though you owe him one. I see how it is." "What? No, that's not how it is at all." "Keep telling yourself that." "Juan." "Josh." "This needs to stop. You need to stop. I don't know what else to tell you, but I don't love you. I love Brad. And I'm going to be with Brad." "Josh--" Juan tries, now a bit taken aback. "No, you're not speaking right now. I love Brad; I love him more than anything in the world. You don't understand the pain I've gone through, the pain that I still sometimes go through today, the things that have happened to me, and the people who have hurt and betrayed me in unimaginable ways. But Brad has helped me through this. He's been this flicker of light among this ocean of darkness that is my life this past year. And you... all you've done is add to the pain. To the suffering. So when you wonder why I won't give you a chance or why I don't wanna hear you out, maybe that's when you should re-evaluate your own life before trying to force your way back into others'." Juan just stands there, silent. "I'm sorry..." he finally utters, "I mean, I know I've already apologized before and such, but... yeah, I'm just... sorry." "Whatever," Josh replies, "Can I just expect you to leave me and Brad the hell alone?!" "Yeah... fine, okay. Sure. I won't bother you anymore." There's a moment of silence as Josh and Juan stand there, awkwardly, and finally Josh sees fit to leave. He exits through the door, and Juan decides to take a seat on the couch, pouring himself a drink in the process. However, Josh - who is a few feet away from Juan's apartment door - stops in his tracks. He thinks for a second, wondering if perhaps he was too hard on his ex. On one hand, Juan maybe needed to hear this in order to get it through his head that he and Josh were over, but on the other hand he was just a man in love who truly didn't mean much harm. Finally, Josh makes the decision and turns back around. He re-enters the apartment, exclaiming, "You know what? Screw you." "What?..." Juan utters in turn. "You waltzed on back into my life straight up expecting us to get back together and resume things the way they were before. You never asked to be my friend. You could have asked to be my friend. It sure as hell would have been a lot simpler than this..." Juan's eyes lighten up at the sound of this. "What do you mean?" he exclaims, having a clue, but wanting Josh to specify just in case. "I mean... ugh... just... I don't have a problem being your friend, Juan." "Oh?" "Yeah... I like you still. We always got along." "We did, didn't we," he reminisces. "Yeah... Maybe we could try that again. Being friends, I mean." "I would like that," Juan admits, and Josh states that quite frankly he would too. "But you need to stay away for a while. I still need to repair things with Brad." "Right, him..." "Yeah. And whether you like it or not he's gonna be apart of my life, but once I do work things out with him... maybe I'll give you a call." Josh then smiles at Juan, who smiles back to him. With that, the butler leaves.

"I can't believe it..." Kristi utters sadly as she stares, desolate, at her laptop screen. Rena, meanwhile, pretends to be waking up from a drug nap, and asks his kidnapper, "Can't believe what?" "You've lost three subscribers," she reveals, turning to him as he remains with his ankle shackled to the couch leg, now sitting back up. He's also dry now, but still rather gross, and he adds, "That isn't so bad, I should still have the other ten." "Yeah but eight of them were me," Kristi frets, and Rena says, "Oh. Well, how many views does the video have?" "Six," Kristi reveals, and then, "Wait! It just went up to nine!" "Well great!" Rena exclaims, "We should celebrate!" "How?" Kristi wonders, and Rena suggests that the two of them have dinner together. "It can be nice," he assures, "Romantic." Kristi's eyes light up at the thought, and she reveals, "There is a bottle of wine I've been saving for just such an occasion. I stole it from Kerwin's room when I was sixteen. I took four sips and puked on my cat. I miss Miss Whiskers. I thought if I hugged her tight enough she'd stop scratching me. I guess I was right." She bursts out laughing and Rena, deeply unsettled, fakes a laugh as well, and then she announces, "Dinner sounds lovely. But... not with you smelling like that." She then grabs a perfume bottle from her desk and walks over to him, beginning to spritz all over. "It's Kathryn's own scent. She gave it to me for Christmas. I wasn't allowed to be in the Kicking Off Christmas special of course, so, she just sorta threw it down the stairs and shouted 'here'. I was so touched." "It smells great," Rena lies, trying his best not to barf, and Kristi joyously exclaims, "And now so do you!" "So," he goes on, "Now that dinner is settled... maybe we could set more of a mood for it?" "What do you mean, snookums?" Kristi asks, wide-eyed, and Rena, trying his best to adopt his own innocent, wide-eyed facade, suggests, "Maybe we could do it... without the chains?" He shakes his leg, making said chains rattle, and Kristi sighs, telling him, "Fair enough." Rena smiles at this, his plan coming together swimmingly, and then Kristi gets up to go get the key from a drawer. However, she returns with far more than that, and Rena is taken aback to see his captor toting a handgun. "I'll just eat with one hand," she giggles, aiming it at him.
A small table is next seen to have been set up in Kristi's basement bedroom, with garden chairs either side of it. Rena is sitting in one, and Kristi goes to sit in the other, after serving herself and Rena some baked goods she prepared in her Easy Bake Oven in the corner. It's all a bit awkward with her having to use one hand to keep her gun pointed firmly at him, but at least he's finally unrestrained, still in his urine/perfume-doused pajamas. He strokes his chest briefly just to ensure that the stash of sleeping pills are still nestled in his breast pocket - they are - and then he asks where the wine is. "Right!" Kristi exclaims, then getting up from her seat, still keeping that gun on him, and returning from nearby with two things crammed into one hand. One is the wine bottle, which she plants in the center of the table, and the other is some metal, paper-mache, golden-painted, plastic, misshapen... thing. The base is metal, at least. The rest looks like a five-year-old's art project. "What's that?" Rena wonders, and Kristi reveals that she's been working on it during his little naps, and then she hands it over. Rena looks at it and reads the base, which has been written on in silver Sharpie. World's Greatest Actor. It's supposed to be an award. "Wow..." he utters. "Do you like it?" she asks excitedly, cocking the gun, and Rena gulps as he exclaims, "Just.... wow!" She giggles as her usual, and then unscrews the wine top with her one spare hand. With that same hand, she pours out two glasses into the plastic cups on the table, matching the paper plates on which the Easy Bake brownies have been served. "Dig in!" she exclaims, putting the bottle back down, and Rena takes the first uneasy bite of his brownie. "I wish someone would make me an award," Kristi begins to utter, "I always wanted to be famous, like the rest of my family, but... they wouldn't let me. I know my brothers love me, but... I still can't be a part of their world. It's not fair." Her grip on the gun grows tighter and more shaky, to Rena's fear, and then he has the idea to reach out his own hand and place it on hers in order to calm her anger. It actually works, with her turning sorrowful and staring almost tearfully into his eyes, meaning he's able to casually knock his plastic fork off the table with his other hand. "Oh," he exclaims, "Clumsy me!" "Don't worry," Kristi smiles at him, "I'll get it." And then she hops off her chair and begins to crawl under the little table, and so Rena quickly reaches into his pocket and drops the five or six pills into her big cup of wine. He tries picking it up and swirling it a little, wanting the pills to dissolve, but Kristi's head soon pops back up, and so he has to relent. She doesn't see anything, thankfully, and merely delivers the fork and returns to her feet, her grip on the gun actually a little laxer now. "Let's raise a toast," Rena then suggests, lifting his cup, "To you... to us." Kristi eyes light up again, and she raises her own cup but says, "One second," as she realizes she'd like to hold it in her dominant hand, which is currently occupied by the gun. She then attempts to swap them over, but this only ends in her dropping both, meaning the gun slides across the floor and the wine goes spilling onto her lap. "Oh bother oh bother oh bother!" she screeches, staring down at her lap, and Rena is almost too shocked to move. And then... she sees them. The undissolved pills, now sitting on her. And it doesn't take her long to realize what her prisoner has attempted. She looks up at him, pure rage on her face, and in that moment Rena makes a decision. He dashes from his chair and picks Kristi's gun up from off the floor, then running towards the door. There are a number of deadbolts on it which have been sealed which he tries his best to unlock before Kristi stands up and chases him over. Finally, he gets the door open, and then he's staring up at a staircase which leads up to the main bulk of the Kappelletti mansion. "Liz!" he screams, "LIZ?!" But, before he can take so much as a step forward, Kristi grabs him by the collar of his pajamas - with that surprising strength of hers - and drags him backwards, then slamming the door shut. "Liz isn't here anymore, idiot. She quit. No one's coming to save you. Your 'friends' unsubscribed. I'm all you've got." Rena is on the floor now miraculously still clutching the gun, while Kristi is towering over him, picking the award she made for Rena up off of the table. "You bad, bad boy..." she spits, and Rena just sits there, shaking, aiming the gun up at her. "Don't make me," he begs, and then she lunges forward and-- Rena pulls the trigger. He expects a gunshot, for blood to splatter against his face, but the only thing to splatter is the milk which goes shooting from the gun's spout, mixing with the wine stain already on Kristi's clothes. It's not a gun, it's a water pistol, and Kristi dabs her finger in the milk now on her top and licks it off. She goes back to staring down at Rena, still with that award in tow, upside-down in her hand, and she murmurs, hurt in her voice, "You would have shot me?" "No!" Rena exclaims, crying and in fear, "I knew it was a fake!" "Oh, honey," Kristi then states, turning cold and emotionless, "You're not that good an actor." And she hits him hard around the head with the very award which states otherwise, sending him out cold.

Act III

In his bedroom at the Little house, Joe rifles through some papers; the missing posters he printed out regarding Lily DeWar's disappearance, and then some article he printed out too. He begins to skim through it, and then, "Aha!" as the words he reads begin to fly across the screen. "... close friend to the Applewhite family..." is one choice phrase - that's where Joe read it before - "... who grieve the disappearance of their own daughter, Silvia..." "Silvia..." Joe utters, finally knowing the true name of the woman who was stalking him, "Silvia Applewhite." "Okay," says the vision of Joanna, dusting herself off as she steps out from behind the wardrobe, "So, let me get this straight... Rochelle used to be your mom's maid?" "No," Joe responds, "she was the maid for my stalker's family. These Applewhites." "Right," Joanna nods, "and your mom was her friend?" "Apparently," Joe utters. "And she disappeared around the same time," Joanna goes on, "Weird, huh? Ooh, and the church exploded, that's like... a thing. And they all know Jorgio, apparently. Hey, do you think this Silvia killed him?" "I... don't know," Joe utters. "Unless you like Josh's theory," she adds, "That I had something to do with it. Maybe I just needed another scapegoat for Matthew and thought, hey, Jorgio's evil." "Or maybe you should shut up and let me think?" Joe suggests, to which she appears offended, having a glass of wine manifest in her hand and taking a sip. "That's better," she murmurs, "You should have one." "Not now," Joe pleads, his brain still wracking, and Joanna adds, "You know, it's a real shame that you wasted all your pull with the police force already, digging into this whole Silvia case which you've not even solved yet. You coulda used that to dig into my past, ever think of that? Or maybe you don't really want to. Matthew went and learned something about me… someplace. You followed him there, remember? Me neither, to be honest. But maybe you prefer leaving me a mystery. Maybe, deep down, you know the truth would be more painful. I mean, you ignore the obvious." "What obvious?" Joe asks, and Joanna wonders, "Remember when we first met? You noticed something about my hand..." "The tan line," Joe recalls, "From where you'd taken off your wedding ring. I knew you were married and I slept with you anyway. So what?" "No, not that," Joanna goes on, "Think harder." She then holds up her hand, and begins rubbing it. "Makeup," she whispers, "There was makeup on my hand. There always has been, and a detective such as yourself should have noticed it. You always look past these things when it comes to me. What do you suppose I'm hiding?" Suddenly the doorbell rings, and the vision comments, "Boy howdy, you sure got a lot of visitors today." "Good," Joe comments in turn, "It gives me the chance to get away from you." And the vision indeed dissipates as he exits the room, leaving his thoughts of mystery-solving behind; but, as he makes it down the stairs and to the front door, he opens it on up to none other than: the real Joanna, who stands there looking solemn. Joe is taken aback, and Joanna greets him with, "Hello." "What are you doing here?" Joe brings himself to ask, and Joanna tells him, "We need to talk about Rena." "What?" "Rena. Portuguese. A butler. Your friend who I've not heard from in a while." "He's in Cancún..." Joe utters, confused, but Joanna makes clear that she does not pay him enough to afford Cancún, and, yes, she told him to take some time off, but he never formally arranged anything, and now she hasn't been hearing from him. "You wanna hear from him, watch his YouTube videos," Joe goes on, "They're still churning on out like there's no tomorrow." "Come on, Joe, you're a detective, help me solve this." "Actually, I'm not a detective," Joe points out, "I'm a butler, thanks to you. And all I detect right now is some made-up excuse to come over here and talk to me." "No, Joe, seriously, listen." "No, you listen," Joe exclaims, stepping forward and making it so that Joanna has to step back a little down the front-ramp, "Your days of barging over here and filling my head with crap are over, I have enough on my plate without you stirring up trouble on top of it!" "Just hear me out!" she begs, "Let me talk!" "I can't!" Joe screams, "I can't talk to you because... it hurts, okay?! Talking to you really hurts!" he's beginning to tear up a little, looking down at her, "You being here right now, at all; seeing you, in the flesh, it kills me! Don't you understand that?!" "Okay you're just being an ass," she says, stepping forward and forcing him to step back, while he retorts, "And you're nothing but a selfish bitch." With that, she raises her hand and attempts to slap him across the face, insulted; however, Joe manages to grab her hand before she's able to do so... which is when he notices it. The makeup, covering up... something. He squints staring at it, still clutching her wrist, and then whispers, "What are you hiding?" At this point, Joanna snatches her hand back, and she goes to hurl some insult in response, but - "A'ight, you honkey slut!" Aliza calls from down the hall, approaching the door with a baseball bat in tow, "I think it's time you got your bony white ass offa my Mama's ramp." She hits the bat against her palm a couple times, and Joanna just stands there, turning to Joe and saying, "I hope you don't regret not listening to me. I really do," before finally leaving. Joe shuts the door as she goes, turning to Aliza with a look of great gratitude. "Thanks, for that," he tells her, and she assures, "S'no problem," as she leans the bat up against the wall. "Seems you be gettin' into all sortsa arguments in dis house, huh? I heard your li'l thing with Manny earlier too." "Yeah," Joe nods, "Sorry about that." "Don't be," Aliza assures, "Manny's a zealot. It's why we had to leave our old home. Mama totally blames him." "What do you mean?" Joe wonders, and Aliza can tell he's intrigued, and so she doesn't say anything. Instead, she just steps closer, moving her hand down to his crotch. "You know," she whispers in his ear before he can stop her, "If only you'd wanna sleep with me again. 'Cause I'm so bad at keeping secrets from men I'm sleeping with. It's a real shame." She then walks away, smiling, and Joe turns back to the stairs, where Joannavision is stood tutting. He rolls his eyes, while she asks, "Anyone else got whiplash from all these different storylines at once? Sure makes you want a drink." "If you'll excuse me," Joe tells her, "I have some pigs in blankets to go make." "Comin'!" Rochelle calls from like five rooms over.

"I'm glad you agreed to meet with me," Josh exclaims, sitting down with Brad for a cup of coffee at the local cafe. "Yeah, well, I guess I didn't have anything else to do," Brad shrugs, trying to be cold. "Look, I know you're mad--" Josh tries, but is interrupted. "He kissed you, Josh." "I know... but I swear, I've talked to him. He knows you're who I want and that he and I are over." "Oh, does he now?" "Yes! I love you! You might not believe me right now, but regardless that's the truth." There's a moment of silence, but finally Brad faces his boyfriend for the first time since sitting down. "I do believe you," he admits, "It's just Juan... Like, can he not?" Josh assures that he won't be a bother anymore though. "He's agreed to step aside... and I've agreed to be his friend, once everything between you and I has been worked out." "Now you want to be his friend?" "Well aren't you glad I'm telling you about it? Being honest and not hiding it? And I don't want to be his friend, I'm going to be his friend. And I just hope that you trust me enough to know nothing is going to happen. I've told him this, and I'll tell you: I love you more than anything and I don't plan to just throw you aside like you're nothing. You're the best thing that's happened to me in such a long time, and with all I've gone through this year I'm not going to risk losing you. Just please trust me." There's another moment of silence, but Brad finally admits that he does. "I do trust you. And I love you too." Josh smiles, as does Brad, and the two lean in for a kiss, finally, properly reconciling.
Unbeknownst to them, however, across the street Juan is currently watching from his parked car, consumed with jealousy. "Look at him," he exclaims, "over there with Josh like everything's good and well again. That should be me." He then turns to his right, and a voice is heard exclaiming, "Ugh, I hate men - especially white ones. Ew." The camera pans to reveal none other than Selena James Washington, sitting next to Juan. "So are you willing to help me?" Juan asks her, and she sort of shrugs. "I am trying to break Joshua of his white male privilege grossness, and you are the lesser of two evils for suitors. So yeah, sure, why not?" "Excellent," Juan exclaims, looking back at Josh, saying aloud, "Soon enough you and I will be together once again..."

Eli sips from a glass of scotch, back at the Davis house, before standing up and beginning pace back and forth in the den. The words spoken by Mary, telling him that she can't hire him because of how he treated his wife continue to replay in his head. Because of how he treated Liz. How he is the bad guy in this situation and not her. He finally stops and looks up at the fireplace where sitting on the mantel is a picture of himself and Liz from their honeymoon. "You treacherous bitch!" Mr. Davis slurs, looking at it, and proceeds to throw his scotch glass, hitting the picture and shattering both the glass and the frame. He goes to call for someone to clean up the mess that he has now created, only to remember that he's alone. No wife. No butler or maid. Just him and his lonesome.
We next see Eli moving a rack of clothing out of his way, revealing the door to his soon-to-be ex-wife's BDSM closet. He's yet to re-enter it ever since discovering Rena and Liz, but finally he works up the courage to go back inside. He looks around, surprised. He never really took much notice of all the things his wife had acquired, the things she must have paid for with his money. From the rack of dominatrix attire to the chest of toys - whips, ballgags, riding crops, etc. -, to the electrical toys, ceiling suspenders, and even the cage. Eli is disgusted by what he sees. Absolutely disgusted. "That filthy whore..." he finds himself uttering as he approaches the table, picking up one of the whips. He shivers at the thought of what Liz must have done with it; who she must have used it on, and he quickly drops it back down on the table. Before looking around any further though, he receives a vibration from his phone. As such, he retrieves it from his pocket to check the notification, all the while his other hand is against the table in which the BDSM toys remain; it touches the whip. This triggers something inside of Eli, however, and we flash to the past...
Eli looks up from his phone, in the past, and up at Liz who dresses in her dominatrix attire. She holds a whip in her hand, ready to seduce her now-fiancé, but he gives her a look of disgust, showing absolutely no interest. Liz frowns at this. (see "Little Red Patch of Blood") "I thought you were interested in my work," she exclaims, taking a seat on the bed next to him, "These are the types of films I did, Eli..." "That's sick!" he blurts out, "Honestly, Liz, have some class." Liz takes offense to this. Up until now her relationship with Eli has been pretty perfect; only now is she beginning to see that he might not be all he's cracked up to be. "Eli--" she tries, but he interrupts her again. "Liz, I'm an actor. And a damn good one at that. Adult films are fine and all, but not this kind of sick crap." "Um--" "I'm not finished. If you want this to work out then I need to know this isn't going to be a problem. You made films doing this kinky stuff?" "Well, yeah... I mean, they're mostly just out overseas, but--" "Well just see to it that they don't end up here. You'd be ruining my reputation, me being with you and those being out." Eli goes to kiss Liz, but she backs away. "Oh come on," he says, "You know I love you. But Liz, you can't be doing this. It's wrong." Liz doesn't answer though, and Eli manages to kiss her on the cheek.
Return to the present day, where Eli is back in the BDSM closet. "The films..." he realizes, "I can destroy that cheating whore by leaking the films, show that she was the bad guy and not me. Then Mary will finally give me a job again." He smiles, oh-so deviously, knowing that vengeance will be his soon enough.

At the Del Barrio mansion, Ben can be see tending to a floral arrangement in the foyer as Liz makes her way through, purse and sunglasses in tow. "Butler..." Liz tries to remember his name but fails, "Yeah, I'm going out for a bit. Ali's lent me her credit card so obviously I'm gonna go have some me time. Yunno, facials, shopping, etc." She begins examining Ben from head to toe. "I wonder what you'd look like in some tight leather and a collar..." she thinks aloud. But Ben tells her to stop. "Mrs. Davis, what are you doing?" "Excuse me?" And so Ben elaborates further: "You're saying that Ali just lent you her credit card so you could go out and do as you will?" "Okay well she doesn't know she lent it to me yet, but I'm totally gonna tell her." "But I don't think I can let you do that." Liz laughs though, finally putting on her sunglasses. "You have no authority over me," she says, trying to make her way to the door, but Ben jumps in her way. "Hand it over," he demands, but Liz refuses. "Get away from me, you peasant," she shouts, "Or I'll go down the street and get that blue haired mutation on you." Ben backs away, truly terrified by the thought of Selena coming anywhere near him, but nonetheless he remains parked in front of the door. "I thought Ali was your friend," he exclaims, "And I thought you were trying to be a better person." "She is! I am!" Liz defends, but Ben shakes his head. "No, ever since you got here all you've done is revert to your same old ways. You've been nothing but awful to Val and I--" "Val deserves it. That whore destroyed my marriage." "And what have I done to you?" Liz is left to think for a minute, but simply shrugs her shoulders. "Exactly," Ben states, his point having been made clear, "You're being awful to me - to everyone around you - for no reason at all. I saw the leaked video of your breakdown at the Kappellettis'," Ben reveals. This makes Liz a bit uneasy, which Ben picks up on rather fast. "Yeah, I'm sure you didn't want that to get around. Regardless though, I saw you and how far you fell. And I'm just surprised that despite after going through that you could still be such an awful bitch." "Maybe I'm just trying to get my life back together. Ever thought of that?!" Liz finally barks back, "You've seen the video and know what a mess I became. Now I'm just trying to repair the damage and make things good again." "And you think treating those around you like garbage will do it?" "Well it seemed to have worked the first time." "But it was also your undoing the first time." Liz doesn't reply, as Ben continues, "Ever think about maybe if you were a better person back when you were rich that maybe your marriage wouldn't fall apart? And maybe if it did you'd have more supportive family and friends to look after you? Instead you had to go to Kathryn Kappelletti of all people." "Ali's my friend!" "But how long will that last until she sees you once again for who you truly are? You helped her out of a very dark period of her life, and so she'll be grateful to you for a while now. But eventually the novelty will ware off, and you'll just be back where you started... maybe even back at Kathryn Kappelletti's doorstep." Liz is now close to tears though as she takes all of this in. Finally, however, she works up the courage to say: "I am grateful for what Ali has done for me... I really am." "Sure haven't shown it." "I know. I just... I want to be a better person, I really do. When I found out about Ali and how it seemed like she might have lost her baby... and then learning she didn't even want the baby. I really did feel something. Emotions. Whatever. Sorrow. I did care. I do care." "You're just no good at showing it," Ben finishes for her, and she nods. "Well for starters," he says, snatching the credit card from her, "this is not how you show you care." Liz resists the urge to yelp at the sight of her only sort of income at all being snatched away, and Ben continues, "Be a good person. Be a friend. Help Ali and those around you, and work to repair yourself that way." "And if I can't?" "You can!" Ben assures, "I know you're strong. Maybe not so much in that video, but that was your lowest point. You can do good in the world." There's a moment of silence before Liz utters the words "thank you", and Ben smiles, happy to have gotten through. "Now I'm going to go return this for you and hope Ali hasn't noticed yet," Ben says, referring to the credit card, and Liz nods, seeing Ben off. Once the butler is gone, however, and Liz is left alone, her frown turns to that of an expression of immense anger. "I just wish Ali would fire that annoying... whatever his name is," Liz mumbles to herself, and it's then that we see a feather duster poke out from around the corner, followed by Valentina Cortez herself. "You mean Ben?" she exclaims, "Because I could help with that." "Go away," Liz demands, not wanting to hear out Val any further after everything she's done to her, but Val still approaches anyway. "Look, I know we've had our differences--" "Differences?! You pretty much axed my marriage." "Right..." Val recalls, there being no way to truly defend her actions, "but let the past be the past. Our interests are now aligned, sweetie: you hate Ben and I hate Ben." "So?" "So why don't we just destroy him together? Duh." Liz contemplates this for a moment, but finally shakes her head. "No," she exclaims, "I still wanna be a better person and stuff. Yunno, good and pure and redemptive. All that." Val laughs at this though, putting her arm around Liz, to her disgust. "We both know that's just not who you are," the maid points out, "You wanna destroy that pathetic butler, and I want to help." There's another moment of contemplation before Liz finally rolls her eyes. "Yeah, sure, whatever." Val grins, asking Liz if she's certain, to which she confirms that she is, adding, "There really is no rest for the wicked, is there?" But Val shakes her head. "Not wicked, dear. Devious." And with that, the two women walk away, beginning their plans.

Once again Rena's eye blinks open, and he finds himself back at square one. Stuck in a chair, wrists and ankles tied to it, only now there is a large bruise on his forehead from where he was bludgeoned with his own phony award. He expects a frightful scene when he looks around fully but, no. Kristi is just sitting in front of him, solemn on one of the garden chairs from dinner, having changed into some fresh clothes. She is toting no weapons, and no expression. She merely watches, blinking, as Rena comes to fully. He gulps, and then... she smiles. "You're awake," she beams, not moving, "How grand?" He attempts to move a little, but the restraints are of course even tighter than before, and so he does nothing, because he can't. "I should be mad at you," Kristi goes on, "I mean, really mad. You tried to get away from me. To escape. You almost threw our love away. I mean... it was painful, to say the least." "Kristi, I--" Rena tries, but she shushes him, assuring that right now is her time to talk. "I thought about ways I could punish you," she continues, "But then I decided... to just let it go." "Really?" "Really," she smiles, "What we have is clearly too intense, too fleeting, to last forever. And so it won't. I suppose, in some way, I sort of knew that. But it's okay. It all works perfectly, actually. Because soon enough... we'll both have everything we've ever wanted. We'll both be famous. Be stars. They'll make a movie about us and we might not be in it, but we'll be there, in everyone's heads. In their hearts. We'll be the couple the world never forgets." "What are you talking about?" Rena asks, confused, and Kristi tells him, "Next week, of course. When we livestream our murder-suicide." Rena's eyes widen at this as he gulps even harder, and Kristi just stares into his face as she declares - more matter-of-factly than anything - "I love you so much."

Unanswered Questions

  • What exactly did Matthew learn about Joanna ("Emilie") that Jose wanted to use as blackmail?
  • What didn't the Littles want Josh to find out, relating to the blood-spattered white cloth?
  • Why was Silvia chasing Lily and why was she dead-set on killing the baby?
  • What is Silvia's history with Jorgio and why did she kill and frame him?
  • Why did Rochelle feel the need to flee back to Wikerly Hills? Which child does she blame?
  • How did Joanna come to obtain the burn scar on her hand?
  • How did the church Joe was abandoned at come to explode?
  • Why did Lily disappear a year prior to her death? Why did Silvia disappear also?
  • What is Rochelle's history with both Lily and Silvia?
  • Where did the blood stain in the Littles' attic floor come from?
  • Why did/was Joanna a prisoner, refer to "mud huts", miss out on education and have a fake ID?
  • What's under the floorboards of the Littles' attic?
  • Why did Silvia feel as though she had to push Ali down the stairs?
  • Why did Manny's zealousness mean the Littles had to leave their old home?

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